This post is inspired by Shot@Life, an initiative of the United Nations Foundation. During the month of August–Blogust–31 bloggers are writing about moments that matter. For every comment on this post and the 30 other posts, Walgreens will donate a vaccine (up to 50,000 vaccines). A child dies every 20 seconds from a vaccine-preventable disease. We can change this reality and help save kids’ lives!
Love You Forever
My son was born at the end of a long, hot September night in 1990. For reasons that made perfect sense to me before the 12 hours of hard labor began, I’d opted to have an unmedicated homebirth with a midwife. I did come to doubt the wisdom of this decision somewhere around hour 10 or 11, but by then I was sort of committed.
After two hours of arduous pushing, all 9 pounds and 14 ounces of my beautiful son came tumbling out between my knees. I scooped him up, still wet and bloody, and all I could say, over and over again, was, “It’s my boy! It’s my beautiful boy!”
The Best Mother’s Day Present Ever!
Time, the ultimate master of us all, passes, and as I’m writing this piece about my beautiful son, moments from his life flash through my mind.
One of my favorite memories is the Mother’s Day when he was four. He came running up to me with his biggest smile to tell me he’d brought me “The BEST Mother’s Day present ever! I got it just for you!”
I watched with anticipation as he proceeded to pull from his bulging front pocket an odd assortment of little toy men, bits of important trash he’d collected, pieces and parts of Legos, and finally, fished from the bottom of his pocket, the prize: A dead fly.
“I caught it with my bare hands and killed it just for you!”
He presented to me this trophy of masculine achievement with all the pride and reverence a noble gift like this deserves. I do not believe I’ve ever received a more precious gift.
Love You Forever
Have you ever heard of the book, Love You Forever, the story about a mother’s love for her son as he grows up, and how, despite it all, no matter what he does, or where he goes, she loves him forever?
A quick look around the internet will show you that many people think this book is creepy just because the mother gets a ladder and drives across town in the middle of the night to climb into her grown son’s window to hold him while he’s sleeping.
That’s because there are too many unimaginative cynics in this world who do not seem to understand that just because your son masquerades around as a grown man your heart doesn’t recognize him for the little boy he’ll always be.
The book made me cry. But not nearly as much as my son has.
Sex, Drugs and Rock ‘n Roll
My son graduated from high school the year the housing bubble burst and the economy tanked. He refused to go to college, opting instead for the time-honored vocation of suffering, starving artist.
As his mother, let me just say in all honesty that this has pretty much sucked for me a lot of the time. Why God decided to send me a musician for a son instead of an accountant I’ll never know. Maybe it’s because He knew my love for this man-child is strong enough to take it.
Earlier this year, I read the book, The Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron and began to understand not only what it means to be a creative, but to have one you love in your life. I’ve come to accept that my son marches to the beat of a different drummer. (And, just between you and me, if I ever find that damned drummer I’m going to beat him to death with his own drumsticks!)
Don’t You Ever Ask Them Why
My son continues to amaze and confound me. While many of my friends worry over whether or not their 22 year olds will ever become independent, my son insists on paying his own way. And while I’ve worried over whether or not he and I will survive his choices, right or wrong, I am so proud of him for having the guts to make them.
It takes guts to stand on your own as a man today and take responsibility for your own life. And it takes guts (and possibly a lot of red wine and Xanax) to be the mother of such a man.
I’ve learned the hard way that it is best to just look at him and sigh, and know we love each other. Forever.
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