I’m a Comic Relief Writer for Aiming Low

by Chloe Jeffreys · 30 comments

in Blogging, Chloe's Groove

I’m missing my mom.

Yes, I’m the first to admit that she drove me batty much of the time during her last three years here on this mortal coil, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t miss her like crazy now that she’s singing with the choir invisible.

It doesn’t even mean that at the time she was driving me crazy that I didn’t realize that one day I was going to miss her very, very much.

When I was a younger woman, I sympathized and empathized with other women’s rants about their mothers. I’d wonder to myself, “Why exactly are mothers such pains in the ass?”

Now, when I read someone ranting on about their mother, and how she’s driving them CRAZY, I just feel sad and wistful.

How does that song go? “You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone.”?

Yep.

That’s me.

Just call me Chloe of the 10,000 Regrets.

And now that the tables have turned? How do I feel now that I’m the mother who is totes cray cray in my children’s stories?

Um. Not so funny.

Pay back is a total bitch. Or, as my mother used to say:

…and the beat goes on…

********

I must confess that I didn’t miss my mother very much the first year after she died. I was so relieved that her suffering was over that it didn’t occur to me to miss her.

But come this January when my life went off the tracks?

I missed my mommy very, very much. All I wanted in the entire world was to talk to her. She would have made me laugh.

My mother had the wickedest sense of humor, and she would have found a way to spin the story in such a way that I would have laughed and laughed. And once you see the humor, in even the darkest pit, somehow it just isn’t so dark anymore.

As it was, I cried and cried. And strained to hear in the silence what I imagined she was trying to say to me from the great beyond.

I heard nothing.

********

My mommy was always very proud of me. One of her more annoying traits was to stop people on the street–complete strangers(!)–and tell them how spectacular I am.

It was embarrassing.

I’d roll my eyes, and say, “Mo-om!”

But today I wouldn’t be embarrassed to show my mother this:

Yep.

Look Ma! I’m a writer.

It was almost exactly one year ago that I stepped out and claimed, “I AM a writer.” And it is beyond sort of nice to have somebody (Hell, maybe a couple of somebodies!) agree with me.

So today, I want to give a shout-out to my cyber-mentor, Kristen Lamb. Kristen doesn’t know me from Adam, but when I reached out to her she was simply just nice to me. And she gave me some damned good advice.

Her book, Are you there blog? It’s me, Writer, was instrumental in teaching me about social media, and helping me grow myself up as a writer.

I also want to thank you, my loyal friends and readers, for reading me. You don’t know what it means to me to have this Room of My Own.

And Mom?

If you’re up there listening, just for today you have my permission to stop everyone you meet in heaven and tell them, “Have you heard about my daughter, Chloe? She’s a spectacular writer. Look! She’s the newest Comic Relief Writer for Aiming Low.”

Love you, Mom.

 

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{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }

Marci Rich August 21, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Hooray!

Chloe, I know we only just met at BlogHer, and I’m still getting to know you through your writing, but I love your spirit and your sensibility. You are a GREAT writer and a shining light up on your mountain. Well done, congrats, and brava!

(I know what it is to miss one’s momma…)

Hugs,
Marci
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Chloe August 21, 2012 at 10:13 pm

It’s been so fun getting to know you all around the internet. Doesn’t it make it seem like a much friendlier place when you see a familiar face?

Thanks for commenting I really did have an epiphany when I read your post.

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Andrea August 19, 2012 at 5:55 pm

I love it! Woo hoo! Beautiful words to your mom and congrats on the amazing Aiming Low gig!
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Missus Wookie August 19, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Loved the bio – definite catalog material ;)

Congratulations on the being a comic relief writer, sounds like your Mom handed on some of that wicked sense of humour.
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Lynn August 18, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Lovely, lovely, lump-in-the-throat post! I miss my mommy too.

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Chloe August 18, 2012 at 4:54 pm

It is hard, isn’t it? I can’t believe how often I miss her now. I’m glad that I did spend the time I did with her that I did. We were very close. She was my biggest cheerleader and the source of my best material. I’m sorry about your mommy. Mommies should live forever.

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Bonnie August 18, 2012 at 10:42 am

Chloe you are officially my new “hero”. This is such a beautiful post. My face is raining. I would give anything to talk to my mom and/or dad just one more time. Both were my biggest cheerleaders and oh so proud of me…in spite of the fact that the only thing I accomplished in their lifetime was the ability to not get arrested. Since their passing I’ve gone on to achieve 3 college degrees, and, (like my hero Chloe) become an official “blog” writer!
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Chloe August 18, 2012 at 4:57 pm

As a mom, let me tell you, do not underestimate the joy never getting arrested brings to a mother. Don’t discount that accomplishment!!! Neither of my children has ever been arrested. I’m so proud of this I want to put it on my job resumé.

You done good. I like to think that my mother and your parents do know how well we turned out.

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Melissa Lake August 18, 2012 at 9:53 am

I’m picturing your mom stopping me to tell me how awesome you are and I’m enthusiastically agreeing.

And, on a bit of a side note, there is a blog about AIMING LOW and being MEDIOCRE?!?! OMG, I’ve died and gone to underachiever’s heaven!!!!

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Chloe August 18, 2012 at 4:58 pm

I KNOW!!! I thought I’d leave out the part that the one blog that’s taken me on as a writer is dedicated to mediocrity. I think we’ll just graze over that part, okay!!

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Amber August 18, 2012 at 7:56 am

Congratulations! Your mom is unbelievably proud of you, and smiling down at you. I’m sure of it.

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Chloe August 18, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Thank you! I really do like to think so. She loved me very much and I know it would have made her so proud. Even if it is a blog dedicated to mediocrity.

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Grown and Flown August 18, 2012 at 3:13 am

Chloe, such a beautiful post. It is so wonderful to have met you and this great group of BTDT mom bloggers who can reflect with such wisdom. Love the humor in your writing, makes me smile.
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Chloe August 18, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Thank you! I love that I’ve met you, too. Before BlogHer I really didn’t know any bloggers out there over 45. I felt a little lost in the sea of mommy bloggers. But I’m so glad now to see that I am most certainly not alone in the blogging world and that there are lots of other very talented bloggers, such as yourself, out there writing and encouraging and teaching others. Bravo!!

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Ashley @ It's Fitting August 17, 2012 at 9:41 pm

That’s so awesome!! Your mom would be totally harassing everyone, telling them how fabulous you are. :-) She probably still is somewhere.

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Chloe August 18, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I’m afraid this is likely so. My mother had no shame when it came to bragging about me. It used to drive me nuts but I miss her now so much.

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Sharon Greenthal August 17, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Not a day goes by that I don’t miss my father, and he died 5 years ago. Your mom would be so proud of you, Miss Chloe.
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Chloe August 18, 2012 at 5:02 pm

The longer she’s gone the more I think about her, and the more I miss her. Thanks for coming by. I love seeing your face here and everywhere else I travel on the internet. You broke my NYC cab cherry and I’ll never forget it.

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Heather A August 17, 2012 at 4:51 pm

My whole face is wet.
Beautifully written.

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Chloe August 18, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Thank you. Get a tissue and hug your mom if she’s still alive.

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Magnolia August 17, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Good on ya, Chloe for nailing the writing gig. Not so hard after all was it?

I wasn’t close to my dad at all. We had a lot of unfinished father/daughter business between us when he died. But, I did get to have an hour phone call with him one month before he died.

I told him for the first time in 55 years that I loved him. It was a powerful moment. I had no idea he was going to die in 4 weeks.

I never talked to him again.

I miss him too and cry like a tiny baby every time I think about him. It doesn’t matter how old we get, they are always our momma and daddy.

Magnolia
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Barb August 17, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Oh this post is so sweet. I was recently bitching to my husband about my mom talking on and on and on and on and he reminded me that he’d love to hear his mother’s voice (she passed away a couple years ago).
And lately when I talk to my mother – she’s forgetting more and more – every couple sentences i have to fill in for her and it scares the bejeezes out of me. I don’t want to lose her piece by piece.

I’m sure your mom’s up braggin on you celestially.
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Susan in the Boonies August 17, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Since I had the pleasure of meeting your mother, when it was EXTREMELY unclear to any of the three of us whether or not she was going to survive her journey to your home, I can testify to the truth of your assertion that she loved to brag on you. That is one. true. statement. She bragged on you to me, and I was already a believer, so she didn’t even need to: she was just preaching to the choir.

So congratulations on your honor, and I have no doubt that she’s continuing to preach to the choir.

One more thing I’d like to thank your mother for: she gave me one of the biggest scares in my life, by verifying my fears that I was indeed about to become a cautionary tale of one more sad person, taken in by an internet scam. :-D

Memories….
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Texanna August 17, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Congratulations Chloe! I missed my mom that first year….it was a hard hard year for us. It was the first child of mine she would never meet this side of heaven. :( That was a hard pill to swallow, because she was a great (awesome) grandma!

However, I can just see your mom, telling MY mom and swapping pics up there, then heading right up to the Throne to tell God (who of course humors her, ’cause He’s already shared it with some of the surrounding hosts. ;) ). Have a great time!!!!

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Anne (@notasupermom) August 17, 2012 at 3:39 pm

She would have liked it that you called her horny.
I know I would.
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Wendy August 17, 2012 at 3:17 pm

I’m proud of you too, Chloe.

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Negin August 17, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Chloe, this made me smile and brought tears to my eyes. I’m so grateful to have you as a friend and to read your beautiful posts. Thank you soooo much.

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Julia August 17, 2012 at 3:14 pm

What a wonderful, powerful post…and a good reminder for me since my mother is most certainly still around…approximately 3.4 miles away…IYKWIM.

I’m sure your mother would be proud of you today. Heck, I’m proud of you and I’m not your mother!!

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Maddie Kertay August 17, 2012 at 3:02 pm

And to think I get to sleep with you!! I am feeling very “A” list right now :}

Seriously.. I get what you are saying about your mom, but in my life your mom is my dad. Damn I miss that grump!.. Like your’s it seems that he would tell everyone and anyone about me.. so funny since until his last days only then did I ever hear him say that he loved me.

Totally a lesson not lost on my mothering .. I tell my kids so often thatI am not sure they hear it anymore.. but maybe they will remember it when I am gone.
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gigi August 17, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Awesomeness. So very happy for you!!!
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