Man Candy: Valentine’s Edition

by Chloe Jeffreys · 40 comments

in Man Candy Monday

Humphrey-BogartI’ve always thought Humphrey Bogart was sexy even though I figure his breath had to be fairly horrible what with the alcohol, bad teeth, and the constant cigarettes.

Apparently Loren Bacall didn’t mind. Whenever I catch her on Turner Classic Movies teaching Bogey how to whistle, I study her face closely for any signs of repulsion or disgust, and I never see any. The heat coming off of the two of them is palpable. It seems the lady loved Bogart, halitosis and all. That’s true love.

The Gums Have It

You might as well know now that I have a serious thing about teeth. Well, really it’s all about the gums. My biggest turn-off is inflamed gums. I believe you can tell a lot about a man from his gums. There’s a lot of medical science coming out about the dangers of gum disease, linking it to everything from heart attacks to premature birth. I’d never willingly kiss a man with bad gums even if he was the otherwise incredibly sexy Humphrey Bogart.

Lies We Believe about Women

Gum disease as a health hazard is a medical fact.

Here’s some fiction: Women aren’t visual creatures.

Channing Tatum, Gerard Butler, Brad Pitt, and Johnny Depp are all proof positive that women could care less what a man looks like, right?

Beautiful-Men

Yeah, right.

Okay, I know I’m not fooling anyone. Especially since I’ve already openly admitted in the past to putting Troy in the DVD a time or two and watching it with the sound turned off. As I see it, who needs inane dialogue between the completely forgettable girly-man Paris and the insipid Helen of Troy to clutter up the mind while gazing at Pitt’s perfect abs? Not moi. I like my perfect abs unfettered, without noisy words to confuse me. This is something Taylor Lautner would be wise to note (although he is way too young for me.)

Heck, who am I kidding? They are all way too young for me. Even the older ones, like Clooney, are too young for me.

I don’t Want Candy

Pondering what I’d write for this post for this month’s Generation Fabulous BlogHop*, I’ve come to the sad conclusion that I’ve crossed some invisible line and suddenly the girl who used to have Man Candy Monday as part of a regular feature on her blog might be too old for celebrity crushes.

Or maybe it’s just a phase of impending oldness I’m feeling lately. Or maybe it’s all these blasted hot flashes that are keeping me awake at night.

Maybe it’s because every celebrity I’ve ever crushed on has ended up being far less than I’d imagined (think Tom Cruise jumping on the couch, or Pitt walking away from his marriage to Jennifer Aniston).

I suppose what I really mean is that these celebrities that have been served up to me are far less the blank sexual ciphers I’ve desired and far more human than I care for. I wanted man candy and what I’ve gotten are man foibles and flaws!

Or maybe I’ve finally reached the maturity necessary that I don’t need or want imaginary boyfriends any more. Yes, I’ll admit that I might still find myself falling for a character in a novel or a movie, but for the actor who plays him? Meh.

Although you’ve got to admit that Bogart and Bacall together are still damned sexy.Bogey-and-Bacall



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{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }

Kathryn Lang February 25, 2013 at 7:10 pm

You had me at “man candy.” Thanks for the WONDERFUL images . . . I mean imagery ;)

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Tammy February 12, 2013 at 11:44 pm

Chloe, yup, I agree, when given the time, the modern man candy loses his luster. I’ve never been able to look at Tom or Brad in quite the same way. But with Bogie … well, we’ll always have Paris!
Tammy recently posted..My Celebrity CrushMy Profile

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Janie Emaus February 11, 2013 at 7:49 pm

I am so with you on the teeth. That’s why I freaked out when my husband informed me that he needed five of his pulled!

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Yvonne Wray February 11, 2013 at 7:36 pm

Gee my hormones swing both ways these days and at 50 I’m not crush-proof! Of course my post tells all about that. Bogart and Bacall, classic and classy (gums and all). Thank you.

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Joy Weese Moll (@joyweesemoll) February 11, 2013 at 6:44 pm

I love watching Bogie and Bacall together. Sizzling.
Joy Weese Moll (@joyweesemoll) recently posted..John Barrowman: My Celebrity Crush — A GenFab PostMy Profile

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Helene February 11, 2013 at 6:06 pm

Bogey and Bacall were one of the great celebrity couples in which both were equally talented. I love to watch their movies.

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Jane Gassner (@MidLifeBloggers) February 11, 2013 at 4:10 pm

Naw…you’re just in a dry spell, celebrity crush-wise. But you may be doing old Humphrey a disservice. His oral hygiene might have been impeccable. I did read that Clark Gable was fond of dropping his upper dentures on the chest of the woman playing opposite him.
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Chloe Jeffreys February 19, 2013 at 12:57 pm

That’s horrid. I’ve heard many stories about Clark’s famous bad breath, but never that one. How disgusting.

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Carpool Goddess February 11, 2013 at 2:07 pm

Smokin’ hot! They had such chemistry. But now I can’t look at the photo without wondering about his breath!
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Beverly Diehl February 11, 2013 at 1:09 pm

Bogey and Bacall definitely burned up the screen. And I do like Brad Pitt, but I could trip George Clooney and beat him to the ground.

Something compelling about a sexy voice, too – that’s why the “Drink Thirsty, My friends” guy is so hot.
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AndreaBT February 11, 2013 at 12:47 pm

What is it about older men? George Clooney…ok, probably not SO much older than me (nope, just checked, only 9 years older). But Sean Connery! He’s 82!!! Old enough to be not just my dad, but my grandpa even!!!

Even so… ::swoon:: There is something about that Scottish brogue…

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Julia February 11, 2013 at 12:21 pm

Hmmm…Sean Connery….mmmmmhhhhmmmm. Oh yeah.

I wonder what his gums are like? LOL

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Donna Highfill February 11, 2013 at 11:16 am

That picture of Bogart and Bacall is hot. The only thing about Bogart was he always looked like he slobbered a little . . . wet lips. Maybe it was just gloss. Whatever, I like your take on the gums. Tonight I will be checking my husband’s gums as if he were Secretariat.
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Chloe Jeffreys February 11, 2013 at 12:13 pm

He was a slobberer, too, wasn’t he? I forgot that part. He was sexy though somehow. Something about the way he looked at women was very naughty.

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Lisa @ Grandma's Briefs February 11, 2013 at 10:47 am

I agree. I didn’t participate in this blog hop as I couldn’t think of any crushes great enough to post about, crushes now or in the past. Other posts (usually if they paid, to be honest) took precedence.
I look forward to blog hops on thought-provoking topics unrelated to men and fashion. The opinionated, educated, and powerful women of #GenFab have it in them to share such things in GenFabulous fashion.
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Chloe Jeffreys February 11, 2013 at 12:15 pm

I know we wanted something fun and frivolous for February, but you make great points. Let’s definitely do something deeper. I’m in a pensive place in my life and it ended up being hard for me to write this which is why I came out disjointed.

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Ginger Kay February 11, 2013 at 10:10 am

Chloe, when I put the wordpress.com linky tool on my blog, it took me to some other link up, not the GenFab one, so I removed it.
Ginger Kay recently posted..The Crush I Never OutgrewMy Profile

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Chloe Jeffreys February 11, 2013 at 12:15 pm

Hmmmmm. I don’t understand that. I wonder if I could help you. Email me at chloe@generationfabulous.com

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Shannon Bradley-Colleary February 11, 2013 at 9:51 am

Rumors abounded about Clark Gable’s halitosis too. I really wish I hadn’t heard those rumors as they’ve put a bit of the kibosh on my fluttering heart when Rhett Butler scoops Scarlet O’Hara into his arms and rushes he up that grand staircase. Sometimes there really is TMI.
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Chloe Jeffreys February 11, 2013 at 12:16 pm

Exactly. I don’t want to know about their bad breath. Dental hygiene then was not what it is now.

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Bonnie February 11, 2013 at 8:15 am

There are only a few of those wonderul pairings. Hepburn and Tracy, Bogey and Bacall, Peanut Butter and Chocolate.
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Chloe Jeffreys February 11, 2013 at 12:17 pm

I think I must be entering my Peanut Butter and Chocolate phase.

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D. A. Wolf February 11, 2013 at 7:10 am

Those perfect abs are certainly a sight (and “site”) to behold… But they aren’t enough to hold one’s attention… well, for more than a few years, perhaps.

Bogart?

Classic!
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Chloe Jeffreys February 11, 2013 at 12:17 pm

You can’t build a life on a great set of abs. But you can build a nice climax on one.

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Ginger Kay February 11, 2013 at 6:56 am

Bacall smoked, too, so that wouldn’t have bothered her.

I’ve never understood how anyone can believe women are not visual. If it were true, we’d be significantly less vain, wouldn’t we?
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Chloe Jeffreys February 11, 2013 at 12:18 pm

It really is sort of silly. Of course women are visual.

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Brenda @ MyMidlifeProject February 11, 2013 at 5:43 am

I may or may not have had a bit of a crush on Lauren Bacall, actually… Like you, I don’t really “crush” over much of anyone anymore. Most of my early crushes were musicians. The practical side of me knows better now…
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Chloe Jeffreys February 11, 2013 at 12:20 pm

I miss my sillier side, but pragmatism I guess wins in the end.

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Karen D. Austin February 11, 2013 at 3:19 am

Maybe it’s waning hormones, but I don’t get as gah-gah as I used to. I do adore Robert Downey, Jr. these days. But I don’t watch all his films, nor do I surf the net for his images the way that I was a little loopy for Paul McCarner in my teens or Harrison Ford when I was in my 20s. (Well, and cray-cray over Clay Aiken in my 40s.) But now, a lot of the “hot men” featured in celebrity magazines are babies! I cannot get worked up over actors who are 20, 30, (or more!) years younger than I am. Taylor Lautner? I could be his mother. Well, even grandmother if I got busy at a young age. But I do admit to watching “I Want Love” on youtube now and then just to admire RDJ’s manner. He somehow manages to look wizened and boyish at the same time. How does he do that? Interesting post about the changing shape of crushes for maturing women.
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Chloe Jeffreys February 11, 2013 at 12:21 pm

I think I’m between crushes. The boys suddenly just seem so wrong to me. Maybe it’s the hormones. Maybe it’s just that I knew that all men are made of clay and it is tough to get too excited about them anymore.

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