I don’t want to come here, you know. I never do. I don’t want to need you this badly. But I do.
No more excuses. I am here. And so are you.
The war that raged within me is silenced immediately when I step into your presence. All that exists in this moment is my desperate, clawing need that only you can satisfy.
I need you so badly. My body demands what only you can give. So here I am. At your mercy. Even though I know how much being with you will hurt.
The exquisite pain you give me is something that can never be explained to those who will never understand.
I’m here to find the end of myself. I’m here to drive away all of the voices in my head and the demons of self-doubt. When we are done, you and I, I will feel completely alive. Again.
But first there is the pain.
I wish I could have you all to myself. Safe. Quiet. Alone. Without the others.
But I know it wouldn’t be the same without the others. I need them here almost as much as I need you.
I mount you and remember immediately that you’re always harder than I remember.
The pain begins. You never wait, do you? But you and I both know that pain is the price I must pay for my freedom.
I immediately fall sway to the pounding beat that drives me. I cannot help but move against you. Pushing, pulling, pounding, pumping, burning.
And there it is. What I came here for.
The pleasure that only this pain can provide.
Pumping. Pumping. Pumping.
And all that existed before this moment falls away. There is only you, and me, and the pain that pushes me towards my blessed release.
You erase everything inside of me that hurts. How unimportant everything seems now that I am here riding you to my nirvana.
Pounding. Pounding. Pounding.
I am free.
I am alive.
Everything is going to be okay.
You have chased away all of my fears. I can do anything!
Sorrow is far away. Death cannot touch me here.
Now the pain exists only in my breath.
Burning, burning, burning.
And finally I reach the place where nothing exists outside of us. There is only you, and me, and the rhythm of my breath.
I AM FREE!
And then it ends.
Spin class is over.
I can’t wait to do it again tomorrow.