It’s Word of Wisdom Sunday again and I’m sure this series is tickling my mother to no end.  She’s laughing to herself and saying, “I bet she wishes she’d listened closer to me, now.”  And she’d be right; I wish I had.  Even as she was dying I wish I’d listened more.

So here’s today’s morsel of truth from my mom:

“You were not raised in a barn: act like a civilized human being.”

These were not gently uttered words like, “Don’t get a hickey, honey, it’ll give you a blood clot to the brain.” If you were being told to act like a civilized human being then you knew that you were about to die a horrible death, your body never to be found.

We have a dear pastor friend and his wonderful children visiting us for a few days from San Diego.  We love this man and his family to pieces and we’re so glad they’ve come to see us.  But there’s no doubt that I’ve changed a little bit since the last time we saw each other, which was back before the red bra.  I do not think he completely approves of me right now, in fact, I know he doesn’t approve.

I get why he’s dismayed.  He’s sort of like my pastor and I’m sure he’s concerned about me since, despite the fact that I’ve held onto my delicate and tender faith, I’m not going to Church right now and I have no intention of returning any time soon.  I see no point.  My particular spiritual gift of being able to discern shit from Shinola® has generally been underappreciated in church.

To be absolutely fair, this particular gift is not appreciated by anyone outside the church either.  We all like to shine up our shit and try to pass it off as Shinola®, even me.  No, make that, especially me.  But, without knowing the whole story, those who would like for me to just be a good little girl and do what I’m told can’t possibly understand that my refusal to do what I’m told is what has saved my sanity.

It isn’t like my pastor friend isn’t sympathetic to my plight. He, knowing both my gifts and my gender pretty well, said it so succinctly the other night at our dinner table, “Your problem is that you have a vagina”.

I guess one interpretation of St. Paul’s teachings is that those of us with innies are supposed to shut the heck up and go along with any hare-brained, statistically-proven-to-fail-over-and-over-again, scheme that the owners of the outies come up with.  And I’ve decided that this is a deal-breaker for me, and until those of us with vaginas start getting treated as worth more in God’s Kingdom than vassals and vessels, I’m not sure I’ll ever go back.  There.  I said it.

Because my friend loves me and is concerned for me, he kindly laid some Hebrews 10:25 on me and I graciously smiled at him, because that’s what civilized people do: they listen to one another, assume the best of each other, and know when to agree to disagree.

I love my friend. Like many Christians who see their own life’s call as the only call, he has a life goal to raise enough money and martyrs to see all the unreached people groups receive the gospel in our lifetime so that Jesus will come back.  It is a lofty goal, but for him it isn’t some delirious pipe dream; he actually knows real people in high places and has a shot of making it happen (the raising of the money and missionaries part; I have no idea about the getting Jesus to come back part).  I hope he lives long enough to see his dream come true, because that’s what friends do–they hope the best for their friends and they wish them success in life.

And while he’s been sharing with us his big plans to get Jesus to come back, I have been trying to explain my little blog project to him.  I don’t think he quite understands its point, which isn’t his fault at all.  I don’t understand its point.  But he has tried to be supportive anyway.  He’s even offered me some helpful ideas, although I told him that I didn’t think his concept for “Missionary Monday” was going to work very well on my blog because I already have a working theme for Mondays.

But he loves me anyway, and I’m sure he’ll be praying.  And I do appreciate it. Women brazen enough to write about their vaginas and God’s Kingdom in the same sentence need all the prayers they can get.

One of our old friends has taken some public Facebook umbrage at how they perceive we are living these days.  I’m sure they are really just concerned for our well-being, but the way they are showing it really doesn’t feel like love–it feels a lot more like public judgment and condemnation. It hurts. (For those who are worried, we would like to report that our San Diego guests have found us happy and healthy, gainfully employed, and not at all wallowing in a squalid doublewide, our heads lolling about in our own vomit.  Feel free to ask them yourself when they return to San Diego.)

What does any of this have to do with my mom?  It makes me want to say to people on Facebook, “Hey, you were not raised in a barn, start acting like civilized human beings over here.”

One thing I don’t ever do is go over to Facebook and spout off about my political beliefs as though they were God’s own, or say nasty things about people or their children.  Do you know why?  Because that wouldn’t be civilized and my mother considered good manners to be one of the most important things a civilized person could possess.  I imagine she came to feel this way because good manners was the one thing a poor girl from the Projects thought was accessible to her.

And now that I’ve built up a good head of anti-Facebook rant, let me be very clear.

I don’t care if Obama is the anti-Christ.  He either is or he isn’t and a bazillion dire warnings on my Facebook feed that I’m too stupid to recognize the anti-Christ when Fox News tells me to see one isn’t going to ward off the anti-Christ.  And, btw, just a quick note.  Obama, if you are the anti-Christ, you’d better get crackalakin.  With Mitt Romney, the Mormon anti-Christ, coming after you, I just don’t know if the world can take Cage-Match: Anti-Christ vs Anti-Christ, US Election Edition.  Either way, I’m pretty sure my Facebook feed can’t take dueling anti-Christs.

Personally, my dearest friends, I don’t really care if you love Fox News and worship at the altar of (that idiot) Glenn Beck.  What I’d like my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to do is to start acting like civilized human beings on Facebook.  Stop dragging my faith through your squalid political mud. Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to talk about politics and religion in polite company?  Why isn’t Facebook considered “polite company”?

I don’t mind if you tell the entire world how much you love Jesus or that Glenn Beck is the best thing since the invention of public sewage, just please stop publicly calling me out as a tree-worshipping pagan if I like to decorate a Christmas tree.  I also don’t want to hear about how Santa is just an anagram for Satan, or that Halloween is Satan’s birthday.  And, since I have other Facebook friends who are not Christians, and I actually care about them too, and would like to be able to show them how we Christians love one another, I’d like to be able to politely disagree with you without you going all Jihad on me.

I’d also appreciate it if I could disagree with you and there wouldn’t be a pile-on by all my other brothers and sisters in Christ about how I’m not loving the “weaker brother”.  If you are spouting off some political bullshit or saying stupid stuff on Facebook, then you are not my “weaker brother”.  You have placed yourself in the position of “teacher” and you deserve to be disagreed with.  Can you not see that this sort of extremism, coupled with the public shaming of dissidents for not being devout enough, is how Islam has been taken over by its radicals?  Should I stand aside and let it happen to my own faith in the name of protecting the weaker brother?

I am also quite sick and tired of my Christian brothers and sisters making a witching rod out of Fox News and using it to publicly divine whether or not I’m a good Christian, (HINT: I am not), or whether I’m a even Christian at all. (FACT: I am).

I’d like all my Christian Facebook friends to stop and think about this.  Do your political beliefs and your other little eccentricities truly further the message of the Cross or do they create a stumbling block for unbelievers and struggling believers like myself?  Honestly, I really don’t care about any wacky political belief wagon you choose, but please stop harnessing my Lord and Savior up to it and then publicly calling down condemnation on my head because I refuse to hitch a ride.

Please.  I beg of you.  Start acting like civilized human beings.  Even on Facebook.

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{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }

Magnolia December 25, 2011 at 8:21 am

You know, I realize I probably annoy the hell out of you with some of my answers to your posts. If I do, sorry.

I have come to understand that I annoy a lot of people. Mainly because, like you, I say EXACTLY what’s on my mind. That doesn’t mean I don’t understand the delicate nature and balance of knowing when to keep my trap shut. I’m pretty good at that too.

But, I’m not fond of shineola either.

But, every time I read stuff like this, where people are disillusioned with churchy-Christianity, or denominations, or man-made crap being passed off as sprituality, as I like to call this brand you are rebelling against……..I wince.

Not because I give a rat’s ass about any of the above forementioned. But, because I deeply believe that God’s heart and Christianity is NOTHING like what is passed off as Christianity.

Unfortunately, when people rebel against the hypocrisy of religion, they want to blame it on God. It’s the classic throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

I don’t get this. I really don’t.

I don’t do church. I’ve said it for years around the Sonlight group. Most people just quietly ignore my comments and “move on” to the next conversation. I get it. I’m also quite used to it.

Again…..ask me if I give a rat’s ass.

Here’s the deal…..blaming God for the blooming mess that people have made out of Christianity is like blaming Newton because most people don’t understand calculus.

The bigger question in my mind ought to be…..Is there a God?

And if there is…..what is his nature? Where would I find that out?

Again, like you, I won’t step foot in ANYBODY’s church. At least, not looking for truth. 🙂

But, I do believe the bible teaches us who God is. His nature and what he’s willing to do for us. That’s all I need.

I don’t need church doctrine. I don’t need my neighbors to pray for me (though I don’t mind it) and I don’t give a flying fig what anybody thinks of my life.

The only one I care about is God. He’s says I’m “holy and acceptable in the beloved…”

By, gosh, that’s enough for me. I hope one day it can be enough for you too.

Merry Christmas (even though this pagan holiday doesn’t have a damn thing to do with Jesus Christ or Christianity….but, that’s another rant for another day.)
Magnolia recently posted..Perimenopause Blog Giveaway! Laselle Kegel Exerciser & Feminine Moisturizer by LELOMy Profile

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Chloe Jeffreys December 26, 2011 at 9:52 pm

Your thoughts about faith never annoy me. One of the blessings of spending so much time on various forums discussing faith is tolerance towards others.

One of the advantages of caring for people as an RN is seeing firsthand how hard life really and truly is. Each of us is in the losing life and death battle here, and we’re all just doing the best we can with what we have. Me included.

I have issues with church, but I also have issues with God. I want to believe in the parts of Him that are good and loving, but I also see much that isn’t. I think God has some things to answer for. OTOH, Job thought the same thing, but was silenced when his opportunity to question God appeared.

This is why I can’t and don’t write posts about faith every day. If I did, I’d surely lose what faith I have.

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Chloe July 4, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Hey RevSeth, I'm a big fan of grace since I need it in spades. Sadly, I have too much sin to use myself as a measuring rod for anyone else. I guess that's sort of a blessing in a way.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting. You are always welcome here.

Chloe

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RevSeth@Grace July 4, 2011 at 7:41 am

Just read your post, and I like it. You're my kind of gal, Chloe.

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Chloe June 30, 2011 at 10:33 pm

Dawne, thanks for commenting. You make some good points. I think the temptation to become Pharisees once we're believers is very great. Maybe that's why the gospels are so full of examples of them.

We all want easy answers to life's complex problems. It would be so easy to think that this political party or that President is all we need to be free of the problems of this world that plague us. But Jesus was VERY CLEAR that those sorts of solutions were no solutions at all in His Kingdom. But it is hard to live that way.

thanks again for reading and commenting. It means a lot to me.

Chloe

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dawne June 30, 2011 at 5:56 am

I'm kind of thinking you may have more right than wrong in relation to Jesus than those who claim otherwise. I understand the church issue, been there…umm, still there it seems. So I guess basically, amen sister! Thank you for putting into words and being the voice for so many of us ladies who love the Lord and are just wanting a true authentic relationship with Him, not a bunch of craziness or rules and regulations expected by the church.
By the way, I'm reading "Captivating" by Stasi Eldredge and something that just caught my eye was how when God created Eve, she was not to be just merely a help mate or 2nd to man, but a picture of God and being in relationship side by side, together. Something I'm thinking on presently….

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Psallite Domino June 30, 2011 at 5:12 am

Don't beat around the bush, Chloe… how do you REALLY feel about it? ;0)

I think this belongs right up there with Tracy A's post on "Sacred Cow-Tipping" as one of my all-time favorite … well, not "rants," exactly, because hers isn't… soapboxes, perhaps? Platforms? You're gutsy, y'know? And I've always admired that, whether we agreed with each other or not.

On a side note: funny you should mention religion and "plumbing" in the same sentence, because guess what I've been working through this summer: two books on women's roles. [Coincidence? I think not.]

Don't want to hijack the convo by posting them here, but I'll send you the links if you're curious. Meanwhile, preach on sista!

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Chloe June 29, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Thanks Jamie.

Chloe

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Jamie June 29, 2011 at 7:12 pm

I couldn't agree with you more. Wonderfully written, Chloe.

I shared this on Facebook. 🙂

Jamie

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Susan in the Boonies June 28, 2011 at 3:58 pm

My only facebook friend who spouts political rants is a dyed in the wool athiest/ACLU/card-carrying tree hugger.

I don't think Christians have a corner on the market on barnyard behavior.

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Chloe June 28, 2011 at 2:36 am

Robin, I'm glad you found it. I fear that many of my brothers and sisters fancy themselves a modern-day Jeremiah at the Facebook wall when what they really are is a clanging symbol.

Chloe

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Robin June 28, 2011 at 1:24 am

*high five* I can't believe I missed this. I'm glad I found it just now!

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Chloe June 28, 2011 at 12:55 am

Liza Lee, thanks. I hope this piece has some legs.

Apparently Anonymous wants to see mine.

Chloe

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Chloe June 28, 2011 at 12:54 am

Anonymous, haha, do you think that'll help my blog. roflol. Maybe I can get one taken while wearing pantyhose. hahaha

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Anonymous June 28, 2011 at 12:35 am

You need a more leggy profile shot.

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Liza Lee June 28, 2011 at 12:02 am

This is good stuff. Thanks for writing some of the things I've been thinking!

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Chloe June 27, 2011 at 9:19 pm

I missed you!

Chloe

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Anne June 27, 2011 at 9:14 pm

So, bad week?

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Chloe June 27, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Thanks Reader. At least those of us being victimized by Facebook bullies can know we're not alone.

Chloe

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The Reader June 27, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Love.This.Post.

So well said. Truly.

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Chloe June 27, 2011 at 2:47 am

Hey Diana! Glad to see you here. Thanks so much for commenting. It means a lot to me.

Chloe

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Chloe June 27, 2011 at 2:46 am

Sharon, the only reason I can think of is that we're 700 miles apart. But I'm coming to San Diego in September. Maybe we can get together?

Thanks for commenting. I'm so glad you found me.

love, chloe

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Chloe June 27, 2011 at 2:45 am

Julia, not only do you have my permission to share it, I'm hoping anyone who resonates with this will share it.

thanks my friend,

Chloe

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Chloe June 27, 2011 at 2:44 am

Jen, I'll take that drink. Make it a nice mojito please. Lots of mint. Where is that pool boy anyway?

Chloe

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Chloe June 27, 2011 at 2:43 am

Catherine, I couldn't agree with you more. We need to remember to keep the main thing the main thing. It is much easier to get someone to understand the gospel than to get them to change political parties. When we make being a Republican or a Tea Partier a condition of salvation, we've done a wrong that we will answer for.

Chloe

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Diana/Outlander June 27, 2011 at 2:30 am

That was fantastic. Just fantastic.

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Sharon June 26, 2011 at 10:29 pm

well why aren't we sitting down right now enjoying a nice adult beverage and discussing all this!? great post! I'm glad you are enjoying H and family. I haven't talked to him in so long and I'm pretty sure he'd not be pleased with me either. I try not to be snotty on FB so hopefully I've not offended anyone, but people do irritate me so who knows…cuz after all, I wasn't raised in a barn either!

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Julia (Jmmom) June 26, 2011 at 9:51 pm

Wonderful post! Clapping emoticon here…and I am proud to call you my friend. I may have to link this at some point in the future…is that ok?

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Anonymous June 26, 2011 at 5:55 pm

I love you. Here, have a drink. :hug:

jen Moz

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Catherine June 26, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Good stuff. I truly believe that the Church (Evangelical, Catholic, and everything in between) is losing ground because we have lost our focus on Jesus. When we care more about a person's political affiliation or clothing than we do about just loving them, we're on the wrong track. We need to spend less time calling out people who act "different" and more time on our knees and loving and serving our friends, neighbors, and enemies.

Stepping down off my soapbox. Good post. Thanks.

Catherine

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