Come Here, Big Boy

by Chloe Jeffreys · 12 comments

in Sex, Love and Marriage

The Date Night

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about keeping my marriage of 27 years sexually exciting. I realize that many women my age don’t give a hoot about keeping their marriage hot, but I do. I care a lot. So does my husband.

Keep Your Marriage Hot by Staying Hot (and by hot I don’t mean skinny!)

I recently read devoured Anne Rice’s Sleeping Beauty Trilogy. As far as the amount of sex goes, 50 Shades of Grey is to Sleeping Beauty what the old coin-operated pony ride in front of the grocery store is to Disneyland.

The entire book is sex, sex, sex, and then there’s more sex. with quite a bit of spanking going on, too.

There’s not near enough romance for my tastes, and it has way too much male homoerotica and pony play (if you don’t know what that is, don’t google it!), but to each their own, I suppose.

Written under the name, A.N. Roquelaure, Rice explains in the prologue that she wrote Sleeping Beauty under a pseudonym because she wanted the artistic freedom to explore erotica without the pressure of her Interview with a Vampire fanbase. She also did not want her father to read her sexual fantasies.  I totally understood and wonder if maybe I need a pseudonym for my pseudonym.

Wear High Heels to Bed? Sounds Good.

Another writer recently wrote a post about surprising her husband by wearing high heels to bed. I thought it was a fun idea, and I had just the shoes I wanted to wear; a pair of Louboutins I’d won at the One 2 One Network party in Chicago when I was at BlogHer 2013.

Okay, the truth is that my Louboutins started off their gorgeous little lives as Manolos.

I’ll never forget that moment when Barbara Jones, handed over the beautiful purple Manolo suede pumps. (For some reason they photographed blue, but they were purple in real life.)

Chloe-Jeffreys-Manolos

 

Sadly, the Manolos were a skosh too big. When I attempted to exchange them, Neiman-Marcus was out of purple in my size.

As I shopped around, I stumbled upon the iconic black patent leather Louboutins Neofilos 120mm.

Christian Louboutin Neofilo 120mm

 

I called my husband.

“Honey, should I just cash out my winnings and come home $600 richer, or should I pony up the $200 difference and buy the Louboutins?”

He replied, “You’ll probably never have another chance to own an $800 pair of shoes, honey. Of course you should trade in those Manolos and get the Louboutins! I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Well, that’s what he would have said if he’d answered his phone. But since he didn’t, I just filled in what I was sure he’d have said, and went with that.

The Shoes

Wearing my new Louboutins to bed wouldn’t even scuff up their pretty red soles. Perfect!

IMG_20130907_135637_512

But then, just as I was planning for how I wasn’t going to stab my husband in the eye with a 4.72″ stilleto, I stumbled across two posts about the importance of date nights for a long term marriage. Barbara Torris wrote an article about a date night she had with her husband of 53 years, riffing off a piece done by Vikki Claflin on the same topic.

While Barbara and Vikki’s articles were very funny, down-to-earth, and true–to-life,  they also  made me a bit sad. Eventually, do we all end up trading in our shiny Louboutins for a pair of practical and comfy Easy Spirits?

Mating in Captivity

2012 was the Year of Decision in my marriage. After serious soul-searching, we each decided we couldn’t live without the other, but we couldn’t live with each other as we had been. So with everything and nothing left to lose, we headed off to all sorts of counseling together.

One of our counselors had us read Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel. More theoretical than practical, Perel explores the challenges to erotic love in a long term, committed relationship. Perel’s thesis is that, while a stable marriage demands commitment and safety, erotic love requires an element of uncertainty and risk. Perel says that this eventual loss of danger in a committed relationship is why long-term marriages inevitably lose eroticism.

Preparation for Date Night

It’s tough to sneak on a corset when your husband is getting dressed and wants into the bathroom with you, so I holed myself up in our walk-in closet under some pretense, worried the entire time he’d walk in and ruin the surprise.

Confession: I haven’t worn a corset since my surgery over a year and a half ago. I wasn’t even 100% sure I was ready to wear one yet.

As I struggled in our hot closet with the corset’s eyes and hooks and laces, it came back to me how much of a pain in the ass they really are to get on by yourself. Just when I considered giving up on this silliness, a vision popped into my mind of my husband’s bright blue eyes flashing dark and shiny, along with that sly, naughty grin he would get when he realized what was really going on.

I am so entirely grateful that my husband reciprocates with all of the best reactions when I go out on a limb sexually. How embarrassing to go to all the effort of putting on a damned corset in a stifling hot closet and not having your man drooling at your feet. I do always worry a little though. What if tonight’s the first time he says, “Yeah, a corset? I thought maybe we could just watch Breaking Bad and go to bed early.” I guess that’s just one of the risks you have to take if you want to keep your marriage sexually exciting.

Finally, with more than a little bit of effort, I wriggled myself into my little black corset, pulling hard on the laces for maximum effect. Who needs breathing anyway?  Since we were going out to dinner though, I did sit down on the dressing room chair just to make sure that I could without passing out.

Next came the black seamed stockings. Having been reduced to tears before trying to get seamed stockings attached correctly to garter belts, I was grateful I had a pair with the sticky stuff at the top that holds them up without the blasted belts. Even so, I fiddled with the damned seams for what seemed like forever to get them straight. Getting your seams straight isn’t the easiest thing in the world to do when you’re bisected by a very tight corset that doesn’t allow you to take a full breath. What we do for love!

I donned a skirt and a sweater, modestly concealing my secret sexy attire, before slipping my feet into my gorgeous new Louboutins.

It took a moment to seat my feet correctly in the shoes before I felt the deep satisfaction I always get when I put on a pair of very sexy high heels. Wearing extremely high heels is an exercise of mind over matter. And like a distant whistle from a train that I know is coming, I know my days of getting to experience this exquisite feeling are numbered.

One day will be the last day I can put on high heels, just like one time will be the last time I will ever have sex. I’m going to miss it all when it’s gone.

I adjusted the corset, fluffed my breasts, and checked my seams one last time. Pronouncing myself ready to my husband, off to dinner we went.

The Date

As we drove to the restaurant enjoying mindless chatter, I felt a heady breathlessness that was more than just the fact that I couldn’t really breathe.

I smiled thinking about the moment when he discovered my secret. I was surprised actually that he hadn’t noticed yet, but I’d purposely avoided letting him get a good feel of me before we got in the car.

With all my traveling lately we both missed each other very much. He charmingly turned on the romance while I was slowly simmering in the seat next to him.

At dinner I drank one glass of wine too many and began to feel giddy. As the restaurant emptied, we began to talk in earnest. And then the words that I had no intention of saying bubbled out of my mouth, “I have a crush on another man.”

To be continued…

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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Barbara Torris September 16, 2013 at 7:37 pm

As always you got me! I am sure of one thing…you are talking about “danger” in the largest sense of the word!

Thank you for the mention…it means a lot to me!

b+
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Susan Bonifant September 16, 2013 at 1:06 pm

Okay, I loved this and I think I know what’s ahead, but I’m still kind of hung up on the “2012 was the year…” line. Particularly this: “…we decided we couldn’t live without each other.” I was your fan before, but I feel like your comrade now. It was not a nice place, that edge, but we pulled each other back from it, and it sounds like you have too.

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KymberlyFunFit September 16, 2013 at 10:33 am

What the heck??!! Talk about a surprise ending. I was still focused on the breast fluffing and funny phone conversation you would have had with your husband if he had answered the phone.
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Shannon Bradley-Colleary September 15, 2013 at 4:33 pm

Chloe — I stand humbled — in admittedly talk stilettos by your bravura! This post is one of the many reasons I adore you! XoS
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Valerie September 15, 2013 at 3:45 pm

I’ve had this happen too! (many times) Can’t wait to see how it ended.. hopefully with no one’s eye getting poked out. 🙂

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Jo September 15, 2013 at 2:13 pm

It was sounding pretty awesome and then the bomb fell? Or rolled out of your lips? Oh my goodness…the best laid plans.

I hope he laughed….
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Nancy Hill September 15, 2013 at 1:53 pm

The only thing I don’t understand is why wearing only heels to bed a surprise to a husband? But then I once kidnapped my husband from work and drove to a motel where I had a kinky afternoon set up. Good job, Chloe, but if breathing is impeded then it is probably not something you should incorporate! 🙂
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