Youth is a Woman’s Most Important Asset

by Chloe Jeffreys · 13 comments

in Sex, Love and Marriage

Geraldo Rivera created a tempest in a teapot when he said during a recent interview on Fox News that women should not agree to short term trial marriages (called beta marriages) because youth is a woman’s most important asset. Here’s what he said:

…I think [what] a woman brings to a marriage more than anything else, to a relationship, is her youth. Her youth is a fragile and diminishing resource. So if a woman were to invest two years in one of these marriages, and then to be rejected by the man, I think that she has given up a valuable asset that is unequal — in other words, the man gets everything and the woman gets nothing from this arrangement.

Of course, the headlines for the article made it sound like Geraldo has it in for ageing women. That’s what got me to click on it.

I read the headline and was all ready to go in with guns ablazin’ and tell Geraldo Rivera what he could do with his stupid opinion until I actually listened to what he was saying. And you know what? He’s right.

Biology has not played a fair hand where women are concerned. We can stamp our feet and toss our pretty little curls all we like, but the truth is that biology is a cruel bitch, and women have drawn the short end of the Darwinian straw.

Let’s ask Demi Moore

Right this minute, my 52-year old husband could go out and and get himself a woman half his age to marry him. He wouldn’t even have to try hard. It wouldn’t matter that he’s a little wrinkled, or that his hair is thinning a bit on top. He has a job, all of his teeth, and he knows how to commit and make a woman happy. Plenty of 25-year old women would be happy for just the good job and teeth, and would consider his ability to please a woman an add-on bonus.

Me? I couldn’t get me a 25-year old husband if I was an heiress with a terminal illness. It wouldn’t matter that I look younger than my age and can fuck like a minx. Sure, I could find me a younger lover. That I have no doubt. But a husband? Nope. Not a chance.

Why?

Biology.

FlowerMy 52-year old husband can still father children. A 25-year old woman wouldn’t be walking away from her mothering potential to be with him. But me? I’m done for. The shop’s closed. Hell, I’ve had a hysterectomy. The shop’s been torn down and turned into a pleasure palace.

And while pleasure might be nice, and I might be darned good conversationalist after the loving’s over, a 25-year old man can easily find his pleasure while not having to sacrifice potential fertility. Why should he give up one for the other?

The best I could do if I were looking for a husband would be to find a man my own age. And from what I hear from my friends on the dating circuit, I’d be damned lucky to get that. Nope. More than likely I’d be looking at a man 10-20 years older, or what I like to call the pre-Depends years.

Fertility Determines Marriageability

The hard truth for a woman is that fertility peaks at 27. Yes, you read that right. 27. Not 40. Not even 35. 27.

Sure, women over 27 get pregnant every day, but women over 40 don’t.  Men’s fertility declines with age as well, but not nearly as steeply. Within reasonable parameters—for instance, most women in their 20s and 30s wouldn’t seek out a 70-year old husband unless big money was involved—age is simply not considered a factor for women when considering a spouse.

But for women, age determines everything. All the Botox in the world cannot fool your ovaries. Just ask Demi Moore. Our ovaries have a date stamp that determines our marriageability, and that’s just the way it is.

Boys will be Boys

Young men are biologically programmed to seek out young, fertile women. They can’t help themselves. Just like women are biologically programmed to seek out men they think will be good providers. We can’t help ourselves. This is one reason younger women are more attracted to older men, and older, married men in particular.

This doesn’t mean that younger men won’t engage in a fling with an older woman. My friend, Erika Jagger, shows on her blog, A Sexy Woman of a Certain Age, that they most certainly will. But when it comes down to time to commit they’ll go younger every time.

So if a woman spends two years in a trial marriage then that’s really two years she can’t get back if it doesn’t work out. She’s aged herself two years (or more!) in the mating pool, while the man hasn’t aged at all.

For example, if two 25-year olds go in for a trial marriage, and after two years decide to call it quits, the now 27-year old man still has access to partners 5 or more years younger than himself. But the 27-year old woman is not so fortunate. She has wasted her two years on a relationship that went nowhere, and now she’s limited to men at least 27, and more likely older.

And the hard truth is that by their late 20s and 30s, most of the marriageable men are already taken. They won’t be available again until their 40s or 50s when they’ll be back on the market looking for, you guessed it, younger women.

Youth is a Woman’s Most Valuable Asset

sun-sets-on-a-womans-youthIt sucks. But it’s true. We can be mad at the messenger, but the message is clear, shacking up, hooking up, and trial marriages benefit men to the detriment of the women who agree to these relationships out of denial that age matters. Age does matter. It matters a helluva lot when you’re a woman. And anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to sell you something. Or, if it’s a man, trying to get you in bed. 

I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I agree with Geraldo Rivera. Unless a woman is really only–and I mean REALLY, not just pretending so she can appear all liberated and evolved, if even only in her own mind–looking to get laid and avoid commitment that could lead to children then she’d be wise to avoid these temporary relationships and seek out men who are truly able to commit. Time’s a-wasting.

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Susan August 17, 2014 at 11:58 am

Just curious what you think about the research (or maybe it’s just a rumor, I can’t claim to have done investigative research into said research) that studies on fertility are from information gathered in the 1800’s in rural France. Pre-antibiotics. Pre-vitamins, etc.

Sometimes I feel like hysteria around fertility is half-true, half controlling women’s sexuality and right to pace their lives thew ay they see fit. I can’t decide what I think.

I’m 60-years old and pregnant by the way with a 30-year old husband (kidding)….

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Jack August 13, 2014 at 11:20 pm

I have to be honest, I know men who would respond to a woman who can “fuck like a minx.”
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Chloe Jeffreys August 14, 2014 at 2:11 pm

Jack, you always know how to say the right thing.

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D. A. Wolf August 1, 2014 at 1:31 pm

Youth? REALLY?!?

Damn. I thought it was the shoes. (Now I know where I went oh-so-many years ago.)

🙂
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Brenda July 31, 2014 at 5:43 am

I’m trying to figure out how to slip this post to my dd14. We talk a lot about marriage and I jut don’t want her under the mistaken impression that she will have all the time in the world after she becomes an adult.

No worried right now, she’s holding out for a politically likeminded young man who can outshoot her. 😉

Me, I’ve always thought that I’d stay single if dh passed before me. I don’t have any desire to raise a new husband or be tossed aside for a younger girl.

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Carol Cassara July 30, 2014 at 7:03 am

I love you Chloe, but I don’t agree with you and I hate that you think this. Advertisers want us to think it. Beauty magazine want us to believe it. But it just doesn’t reflect what is really going on. Men of quality don’t think like this and women of quality don’t believe it. If it were more true than not (which it isn’t), it would be another way I’d despair about our values. I know very few men who have left their women for younger women and no men of of quality who have done that. I know many men of quality who think young women have very little to offer other than their bodies, which becomes a far less interesting prospect when you look at living a life together. One of my best friends who looks her age is married to a handsome young man of quality 25 yrs her junior. He loves her madly and she loves him. (I love him too, he is amazing) I celebrate them. Yes, a rarity but indicative of this: A marriage is far more than sex. Far, far more than it. And anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is just not looking at the world the way it really is.
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Suburbohemian July 31, 2014 at 7:50 am

I think older men are drawn to younger younger women, not because they actually can have a baby with them, but because they LOOK like they can. This way he feels younger and thinks he’s seen as a stud. That said, there’s a lot of older guys with grown kids who do start second families, but that also ups the cultural stud factor among their peers. Younger women make them FEEL younger.

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D. A. Wolf August 1, 2014 at 1:40 pm

Personally, I believe that culture (and thus media influences) is a huge factor. I feel “somewhat” qualified to comment on this having dated on two continents as a “femme d’un certain age” – and for a number of years.

In the US, as an educated, not altogether uninteresting, relatively ok-looking woman? If my age was known, I was only contacted / approached by men 10 to 20 years older. However, in France – my age known or not – I was approached / contacted and… enjoyed… by men anywhere from 10 years younger to 5 years older (more often, a few years younger to my own age).

In the US, it’s all too often about appearances (IMO). In other cultures, not so much.
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Don Dressel July 30, 2014 at 1:58 am

I think women are more beautiful as they get older! They are better lovers are wiser and are not air-heads like the young women I have met! I also think they are more honest and easier to talk to! Yes older women make better lovers just like the song says!

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Erica Jagger July 29, 2014 at 10:15 pm

I had a date with a 50-year-old man recently — divorced, wealthy, with an 8-year-old — who told me that the younger women he dated didn’t want to date an older man with a kid. And while I’m sure he’d have an easier time finding a younger partner than a woman in his shoes, does that mean it’ll be a good marriage? That’s where these rigid parameters fall apart for me. Because, sure, age will get you in the door but it won’t guarantee a good relationship, or even a relationship that lasts.

And what would Geraldo say to women who don’t want to have kids? Is youth still their most valuable commodity?

The most valuable commodities for a women are strength and self-reliance — those last, while youth is fleeting.
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Chloe Jeffreys July 29, 2014 at 10:28 pm

Most women do want children, though. And so do most men. And that’s where all the rah-rah breaks down for me. Ultimately, biology wins. Men have access to younger women who are fertile for much longer than women have access to their own fertility. Maybe “youth” is too loaded of a word. What if we exchanged it for fertility? Fertility for a woman is a fragile and fleeting thing. It isn’t everything. Not by a long shot. But to say it isn’t important, or that it doesn’t drive the romantic decisions we make, is not very realistic.
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Chloe Jeffreys July 29, 2014 at 10:29 pm

And by the way, I just love dragging you over to my site for a conversation. I love your message to pieces. You know that, right?
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