Think our Hooking-Up Culture Isn’t Affecting You?

by Chloe Jeffreys · 31 comments

in Sex, Love and Marriage

Actual T-Shirt College Girls Can Buy

A woman’s life is a cyclical thing.

As the moon orbits the earth, exerting its pull on even the mighty oceans, our own cycles ebb and flow along with the tides. And then there are the seasons: Maiden, Mother, Crone. Except that now, thanks to science, that middle time between Mother and Crone–that I call for myself the season of the Brazen Woman–has been extended far beyond what our female ancestors ever imagined possible.

As a maiden, my main concern was mating up. Finding the right mate to raise a family is a such a HUGE responsibility for a woman, and frankly one that more and more women are not taking very seriously until it is too late, and then not even then.  It seems that women have lost their way, screwing any worthless guy who walks by and gives them the least little bit of attention.

Now before you dismiss my last statement because you think I’m some sort of Sarah Palinesque Conservative Republican Christian (which I’m not) let me qualify my statement by saying that I’m a Labor and Delivery RN and therefore an authority. I’m at Breeding Ground Zero.

And I will tell you with absolute authority that more women are having VOLUNTARY sex with more worthless guys than has ever happened in the history of ever. (I added the “VOLUNTARY” because men do have a long and sordid history of rape and shit like that, and women can’t really be held responsible if they don’t have a choice.)

Today, more men–who would never get laid in a sane society where women took such things as the future of their potential children seriously–are getting laid in droves, and with very little accountability. I’m telling you that I’m seeing men–who apparently are getting laid FOR FREE–who would have had a hard time finding someone who would do it for MONEY years ago.

We have raised a veritable generation of worthless pieces of shit men. They know they are going to get all the free sex they ever want, anytime they want, and they have to do next to nothing to get it.

And even worse, the women are FIGHTING–a la Jerry Springer–over these worthless pieces of shit. I’ve seen it firsthand. It is happening and it is happening more than you might think.

The last time I was a youth counselor for Christian Youth Camp I spent my entire evening “Tent Time” with the girls listening to them cry and fight over boys that weren’t giving them ANYTHING.  The boys weren’t doing ANYTHING.  The girls were getting up at 4AM to fight over the showers so they could get ready for a day of high competition over boys who didn’t seem even the least bit interested. It was eye-opening and appalling.

In my early years as a homeschool mom, many families were going Anti-Dating. Dating, we were warned, was the precursor to the Divorce Culture because dating and breaking up were really just little practice divorces. The idea was that if you forbid your kids from dating you were preventing future divorce.

Only because I was working at Breeding Ground Zero (the labor room) AND kept my hand in the cookie jar of Youth Ministry did I see what was really happening. And I put out a warning then on the homeschool forums: DATING IS DEAD! COUNT YOURSELF LUCKY IF YOUR CHILD DATES!”

Dating wasn’t the enemy–dating was dying–and today, nobody dates. (Well, almost nobody.)

We live in a culture of “Hooking up” where predatory women compete for the few worthwhile men left.

And if you are so naive that you don’t think that culture is affecting you, then you need to wake the hell up.

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{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }

Google July 12, 2014 at 5:59 pm

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Andi-Roo June 4, 2012 at 11:00 pm

To Magnolia & Otter — you two are both clearly missing the point here. Yes, young WOMEN have been all sexified since your fabulous 60s & 70s. That’s not exactly what this post was getting at. We’re talking about a generation of kids who can’t talk to each other on the phone because they don’t know how; they’ve always texted, & a phone call would be “weird”. We’re talking about 6th graders engaging in oral sex in large droves. We’re talking about pregnant middle school students in higher numbers than ever before. We’re talking about not being able to find a one-piece bathing suit for a 1st grader. We’re talking about BABIES and KIDS. Not adults. CHILDREN. I think we’re all glad you had a good time “back then”, but your party years are not what’s up for discussion here. My daughter being coerced by a sex-crazed society into chasing boys at an early age — THAT’S what we’re discussing.
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Janelle April 18, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Hello there! This post couldn’t be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my previous room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this write-up to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thanks for sharing!
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Adrian Ruiz April 13, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Great Post!! Love your site. I just posted about Vein Reflux Disease.. what a great Friday the 13th!! Old Lady legs!!! I am going to do whatever I have to do to fight it!!

SMILE!!
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Saundra March 22, 2012 at 1:50 pm

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Megan {{Millions of Miles}} March 1, 2012 at 5:28 am

Just stopping in to say hi from Blissdom. (We had the loooooong teary chat at the opening night party ;) I love this post. As the mom to an 8 year old daughter, I know these years aren’t far off and it scares me to death! I’m trying so hard to instil confidence and self worth in her now so hopefully she will respect herself enough to not fall into this trap!
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Catwoman February 25, 2012 at 9:33 am

It’s sad but true, the teenage girls are nowadays very unexperienced in dating. They only date because of making short sexual relationships, but they’re still emotionally uneducated. Btw, I’ve found that T-shirt graphic really funny:)
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Jack@TheJackB February 20, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Well my divorced friends tell me that if it would have been this easy to get laid in high school and college they never would have gotten married.

I don’t worry about them because they are “grown ups” but I keep hearing stories about how aggressive girls have gotten and I worry about my kids.

A friend of mine has a 16 year old son who received the attention of three girls. They all “took care of him” at different times as part of some sort of contest, or so he told his father.

When I was in school that is the kind of story that someone would have made up to look cooler to the other guys, but I don’t think that happened this time.
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Julie February 19, 2012 at 12:38 pm

I sadly agree, today is the romance and the dating out of date. Teens usually just hang out for have sex with each other, but they don’t make experiences in deeper feelings. And that’s why hey will be dissocial in their love life as an adult.
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Donna February 16, 2012 at 1:32 pm

I agree with Julia, i cant even imagine those teenages who just cant do anything for themselves. They should get it going and make things happen!

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Julia February 13, 2012 at 9:06 am

Ok, so a question here…all your comments are talking about “girls these days” (and I’m one of those commenting)…but isn’t this a bigger problem than just the 13-23 year olds? I mean, isn’t this a bigger cultural problem? What about the 20 or 30 somethings who will sleep their way to success in the job? What about the women who will have affairs with men while their wives are sick (Can anyone say Newt Gingrich?)? What is WRONG with people?!

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Sally February 12, 2012 at 3:10 pm

It’s so sad to me. I just don’t understand why the girls think so little of themselves. At least, that is what I am assuming is part of the problem.

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Brenda February 12, 2012 at 2:48 pm

I am already telling my elementary aged girls what traits to look out for in a husband/provider/father/mate. Those things that they can see in their Daddy that I point out are hard work, working even when you don’t “love” the job, helping others even when they aren’t all that fun to be around, being able to fix things, being willing to forgo personal gratification to provide needs or fun for his wife/kids.

Dh and I joke that when the boys start arriving they’ll meet me at the curb (with a set of clippers and a cape, don’t bother going to the porch with long hair, Sonny) and him at the porch, cleaning guns.

One thing my Aunt did that was brilliant with her dd was to not let her call boys. She could receive phone calls and call out to her friends, she just couldn’t initiate calls to boys. My cousin became a desirable girl and the boy who made it past the porch was a keeper. She did the same for her stunningly beautiful, smart, sweet daughters and they have husbands that are top notch. I’ve already told dh that this rule is something I want here. I chased boys incessantly and at will when I was a teen. Those poor Moms-of-boys that had to deal with the late calls and multiple calls/day have my sympathy.

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Anonymous February 12, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Just talked to a dad today who told me his 9th grade daughter (who’s been in 2 different exclusive private schools over the last 3 years) knows NO other 8th or 9th grade girls who have not given oral sex or had intercourse.

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Chloe Jeffreys February 12, 2012 at 2:10 pm

No, I’m not saying they invented it. I’m saying that is a way more pervasive than people realize.

Even in my wild 1970s days, most women expected to be picked up, taken on a date, even told loving words before they’d give out sex. That is not happening today. And it is happening in droves.

I know that more than 50% of babies weren’t born to unwed women in the 60s and 70s like today.
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Magnolia February 12, 2012 at 6:13 pm

We clearly hung out in different crowds. Dating in the 70s? Seriously?

It was sex, drugs & rock-n-roll – and lots of all of it in the 60s & 70s that I remember.
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Otter February 14, 2012 at 9:09 am

Gotta agree with Magnolia: I know too much about “hooking up” in medieval Europe, in classical Rome, and in urban fin-de-siècle America to buy this it’s-worse-than-ever idea.

Having said that, it HAS changed in living memory as Chloe suggests. But more than ever….? Nope. That’s a research failure.
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Chloe Jeffreys February 14, 2012 at 11:05 am

Is there any way I can raise my grade, Professor Otter?
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Otter February 14, 2012 at 11:20 am

Yes. Oh, yes.

Invent a time-machine, go back to the beginning of the semester, and study this time around.

Magnolia February 12, 2012 at 2:03 pm

I grew up in the 60s and 70s. What hell are you talking about? You think this generation of teens and young people came up with a new fad called “hooking-up?”

Um, I don’t think so.
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Heather A February 12, 2012 at 1:56 pm

And the girls are beginning to throw themselves at younger ages.
:>(

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Kristi R. February 12, 2012 at 1:34 pm

As the mom of an 18 yo daughter, I am well aware of the hooking up culture – it certainly exists in the local church youth groups (with much parental denial that it exists). One thing I have stressed since my daughter started her teen years is that she should make sure she wants a lifetime relationship with any man she decides to have sex with because a child is a lifetime bond. I don’t know how much that has taken in her psyche but I do know she isn’t interested in boys who float through life. She is interested in men who have a goal of some sort and are working toward it. She also isn’t interested in guys her age very much as they are usually not mature enough for her.

Hooking up, among her work friends, is rampant and there are many single moms who have major issues with their baby daddies. The gossip has cost several people their jobs. Yes, hooking up is affecting our culture in ways you never expect.

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Julia February 12, 2012 at 1:27 pm

By the way, I just really really love the Maiden, Mother, Brazen Woman, Crone timeline. I’m entering the Brazen Woman stage…so get ready!

This post depresses me. I have two sons, and I don’t want them to be fought over or be thought of only for their sexual ability. I don’t want sex to be minimized. I want romance and dating for them. I don’t want girls to be flaunting themselves at them.

And from what I’ve seen of their college experience and from what they’ve told me about what girls are doing, your comments aren’t too far off. That saddens me.

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Robin February 12, 2012 at 4:08 pm

ditto. Even at so-called Christian colleges the girls are UNbelievably aggressive.
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