My Valentine’s Manifesto

by Chloe Jeffreys · 8 comments

in Sex, Love and Marriage

ftd-rosesIt’s February, and as every terrified man living on Planet Hallmark knows, February is the month when a woman’s fancy turns to Romance with a capital $$$.

Even though I’m pretty savvy and cynical, and most definitely onto Hallmark’s game, come this time of year my mind always makes a small break with financial reality and I start to wonder:

Will he send me dozens of red roses, or is it to be diamond jewelry this year?

Maybe a romantic dinner out at that restaurant that takes two months to get a reservation—who am I kidding, there is no such restaurant here on the mountain–or shall it be a lovingly prepared surprise picnic of goat cheese and red wine on a red plaid blanket spread out in living room in front of the fire because it’s too damned cold to picnic outside in February?

While I ponder what will satisfy my inner romantic demon, my husband dangles in the wind. I tell him I don’t want anything this year–Lord knows we both have too much on our plate to be fretting about some stupid fabricated Hallmark holiday–but we both know that I’ll probably feel hurt and unloved if he really does nothing to demonstrate his love for me.

The problem with being married in February is that there aren’t any real surprises. It isn’t like my husband of nearly 26 years could truly buy me anything and I not know about it. I see the credit card bill, too. And while I’d love nothing more than a surprise delivery of dozens of blood red roses, the pragmatic side of me doesn’t want to see the bill for them. (Costco is asking $149 for 50 of them. Order by February 11 at 11 a.m. PST for February 12 or 13 delivery. If you want 12 “EXQUISITE” red roses from FTD be prepared to cough up $319.99. $319.99!)

I definitely do not want roses this year. Just seeing the $319.99 price tag has left me aghast. What with all of the starving children in this world who but the very newly in love could justify $320 dollars worth of flowers that’ll be dead in a week?

So what do I want my husband—who once sat by my hospital bed all night on a filthy hospital ER floor when I was really sick from pregnancy because he didn’t want to leave my side—to do this year to prove his undying Hallmarkian love? I haven’t a clue.

Although that picnic in the living room sounds pretty good. Hint. Hint.

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Texanna H. February 14, 2013 at 3:34 pm

Happy Valentines Chloe! Dh surprised me with a dozen lovely tulips (white red and pink mix) and a box of chocolates. He had them delivered Tuesday and I’ve been enjoying them this week. 🙂

Today our church held a community wedding for people to get married or renew their vows for free, with a reception. I’ve been helping out on the decorating for that and helped with the reception today. It was a great event and wonderful to see all the happy couples/families. I think we had 40 couples and around 200 people in all!
Hope you get and enjoy your lovely picnic!

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Brenda February 11, 2013 at 6:44 am

I look forward to my husband’s cards purchased on the drive home on the 14th. The best one was a fancy card with lace and roses on it…in Spanish. Which neither of us speak.

He wrote a heartfelt (and groinfelt) note inside. It might have been written in Spanish. Or Spanglish. Or Pig Latin.

I still have it squirreled away as a token of the kind of love he has for me.

This year all I asked for was to not miss my Pole Fit class. And earrings, I ordered $8 heart earrings from Mompotter. Because apparently I’ve bought into Hallmark’s scam, too.

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Chloe Jeffreys February 11, 2013 at 12:18 pm

Now that’s something I hadn’t thought of before: romantic cards written in a foreign language. I want one!

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Suzanne February 11, 2013 at 5:59 am

I’m with you on not wanting flowers. We will be celebrating our 29th wedding anniversary this April. What sounds romantic to me are getting new windows for this house. Sad and pathetic I know, but the $300+ price tag for 50 long-stemmed red roses would buy one window (not including installation of course!) Flowers eventually die, but new windows will keep me warm in winter and cool in summer.
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Chloe Jeffreys February 11, 2013 at 12:19 pm

This is what happens when you are married. $300 flowers are for the newly in love. Those of us with houses and kids have much more pressing matters. Which doesn’t mean we can’t still be romantic. It just means we don’t want our romance bought for us.

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Sharon Greenthal (@sharongreenthal) February 10, 2013 at 7:18 pm

Having a birthday 2 weeks before Valentine’s Day gets my husband off the hook – he’s pretty lucky! I usually get flowers – which I love. Hope your husband gives you whatever your heart desires!
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Enchanted Seashells February 10, 2013 at 6:25 pm

I hear ya. Poor guys can’t win. If you agree with them that V-day is manufactured so that businesses make money and they DON’T get anything, they’re in trouble. If they do spend a lot, we all feel like we got skewered and manipulated. Our anniversary is in Feb too, and we just kind of lump it all together and go out and buy 1/2 price candy the day after and have a nice dinner at home.

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Ginger Kay February 10, 2013 at 6:25 pm

$319.99??!!! I had to re-read that several times. That’s obscene. I would be horrified if my husband wasted that much money on something that’s going to die in a week. Yes, I said wasted.

Not that he would do that.

He doesn’t like holidays, so I don’t expect gifts. I bought him his favorite Australian black licorice. He’ll be out of town, so I won’t have to smell it. I’m romantic like that.
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