Never Let Her Smell Your Fear

by Chloe Jeffreys · 19 comments

in Adventures as an RN, Favorites

2014-01-29 12.25.37My current employer must have read my last post because I’ve enjoyed ALL of my meal breaks this past week.

Hal-la-freaking-luja! Now I might survive these 13 weeks as a traveling nurse, seeing as I’m a living, breathing human being who needs food and water at some point during my twelve and a half hour shifts.

The Miracle of Birth

Yesterday I attended a lovely delivery. It was great in all the ways that my job as a labor and delivery nurse can be great.

  • Lovely, loving, committed couple.
  • Supportive, yet non-interfering grandmother-to-be.
  • Everybody had reasonable expectations about what labor is (painful) and what labor isn’t (a picnic).
  • And, best of all, a cherubic bouncing baby girl at the end.

What could I possibly have to complain about? Let me tell you.

When the Doctor is a Jerk

The doctor of the day was one of those who feels it is necessary to remind the nurses that she is God Almighty and we nurses are just some shit on her shoe. What fun.

Despite being warned about this doctor by my preceptor–who whispered in my ear as the doctor walked away after introducing me, “Never let her smell your fear”–she and I had already had some pleasant encounters. We’d chatted about her book club AND talked about our vaginas–Hey! It’s L&D. We talk about vaginas there. We’d laughed, and we’d bonded, and I thought, “That preceptor doesn’t know what she’s talking about; this doc and me are going to be BFFs!”

But all of that was the set-up. I’ve seen this behavior from doctors before. They lure you in with friendliness only to smack you down and put you in your place later, usually in front of your patient.

The morning got off to a rough start with me following behind her like a puppy as she marched towards our patient’s room mumbling under her breath some probably important information that I needed to know.

Seeing as I’d left all my spidey-senses at home, I couldn’t understand a flipping word she was saying, so I asked her to repeat herself. After the second time I asked, she spun around on her heel and, very loudly, in a condescending voice reminiscent of a pissed off school teacher, or my mother, said, “This is the third time I’ve said this, and I’m only going to say this once more!”


I was so stunned that I just stood there, speechless, staring at her. What I wish I’d said was, “And if I don’t hear you this time what are you going to do? Give me a spanking?”

As we stood there staring at each other, I believe I catch a small gleam in her eye.


The game is on.

I hate this cruel and unnecessary cat and mouse game some doctors love to play with nurses. (And studies show it’s downright dangerous for patients.) Now it is up to me to figure out what it is she requires from me in order to feel good about herself and assuage that angst she feels about her underemployed, alcoholic husband (Hey, nurses talk.) and that massive student debt she’s racked up.

Does she need me to lay down like a dog for her to kick because she’s having a rough morning and she’s looking for some way to show herself she’s still in control of her pathetic excuse of a life?  Or is this stand-up-for-myself time so I might win her respect?

I just don’t know!

But as I stand there pondering what to say next, I don’t think I let her smell any fear because I didn’t have fear. I have shock. And shock always shuts me down.

She slowly and loudly repeated her precious words to me like you’d talk to a mentally-handicapped child with a hearing problem. Now I certainly wasn’t afraid. I was mad. And for me and those who know me well, mad is far worse than afraid. Having to deal with myself angry is such a pain in the ass. I’d much prefer fear.

After some more condescending behavior towards me in the patient’s room (which made her look ridiculous, by the way), she finally left and it was just me and my patient. This is the part of my job I LOVE.

The morning passed quickly, and the woman progressed faster than normal. Not long after getting her epidural she suddenly exclaimed the words every L&D RN longs to hear, “I think I have to POOP!”

I yanked on my gloves and performed a vaginal check only to find I couldn’t get even a fingertip inside because there’s a big, hairy head right there. I couldn’t see the head yet, but I could feel her uterus trying on its own to expel the baby, and I knew once the mother added her own expulsive efforts we’d have a baby in a matter of minutes, if not seconds.

I called out to the desk that I needed the doctor for delivery RIGHT NOW!

Four minutes later–a lifetime to a woman who has a baby’s head stuck in her vagina and is being forced to pant and blow by her nurse–the doctor arrived.

She storms into the room…

Yes. Storms.

…and demands to know why I’ve called her.

Yes. Demands.

I tell her the patient is about to deliver.

She puts her hands on her hips, asks me whether the patient’s epidural is working, and how long I’ve been pushing with this patient.

Let me remind you that this is all happening in front of the patient and her family.

I tell her I haven’t pushed at all because I thought she might want to attend the delivery. (Snarky seemed appropriate here since she was now acting like a raving, lunatic bitch.)

Arms akimbo, eyes aflame, she clips out her next words like she’s slicing them off with a knife.

“So let me get this straight. This is a first time mom with a good epidural, and you haven’t even pushed with her once! And you’ve called me for delivery RIGHT NOW?”

The patient is lying there listening to all of this!

As I look into her eyes I know exactly how a rabbit must feel when it has been cornered by a hungry fox.

Do I have fear? You damn well better believe it. I’m stark terrified. And suddenly doubting myself. Despite 20+ years of attending women in labor maybe I don’t know nothin’ about birthin’ babies!

And then a miracle happened.

The mother had her next contraction.

I turn my back to the doctor and tell the mother not to pant this time but push as hard as she can. And God bless this patient, but she gives me exactly what I need.

As the head begins to emerge, I can feel the doctor’s fury slam into my back. Involuntarily, a self-satisfied smile spreads across my face. I wish to God there was a picture of the two of us from the mother’s point of view.

Then this doctor, who one minute before was yelling at me for not having the patient push, screeches, “Why are you having her push before I have on my gown and gloves?!?”

You can’t make this shit up.

One push later, a bouncing baby girl has arrived!

I guess I played my hand well because on her way out of the delivery room, she says under her breath, “Good job. Good call.”

Unfortunately she was gone before I was out of the room because now I have to wait until the next time I work to tell her that she can doubt me all she likes, but she is never to treat me that way in front of my patient ever again.

And I promise you when that happens, I won’t have any fear for her to smell.

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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Martin September 4, 2016 at 9:40 pm

I would say that this person likely suffers from a Neurotic Personality Disorder. I wonder what their distribution in society is. I also wonder if high achieving professions like Politicians, Doctors and Lawyers have a higher ratio of 2, 3, 4, or 5 times higher than average. Compelled to exceed others for some underlying reason, they do succeed, but BOY, are they a pain in the ass.

Well played.


AlexandraFunFit May 21, 2014 at 9:12 am

I always think of the best rebuttals AFTER the mean person has left the room. Except once. I had a boss who yelled at me about something (I forget the actual topic). She was in her 50s; I was 32. I answered, “I’ll speak to you in a professional manner, and you need to do the same to me.” I was practically trembling, but managed to say it. I still have bad feelings toward her. I hope you get a chance to tell off the doc in a humorous way that she only understands when she’s left the room.
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Chloe Jeffreys May 26, 2014 at 11:39 am

Let it be so!!

I think she’s avoiding being alone with me now. I’ve caught her twice evading me in the hallway. Oh brother!
Chloe Jeffreys recently posted..Burning for YouMy Profile


Patricia A. Patton May 20, 2014 at 3:03 pm

What a superb post Chloe. You need to write your first book. You are such a good writer.
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Chloe Jeffreys May 26, 2014 at 11:40 am

You are always so good to me, Patricia! I love you for it. I’m thinking about it a lot lately though. To get to where I want to go I think I’m going to have to do it.
Chloe Jeffreys recently posted..Burning for YouMy Profile


b+ May 17, 2014 at 4:23 pm

I read a blog yesterday that had as one of it’s heading “real people are the scariest people of all.” I think you doctor might fall in that category. And no, it never occurred to me that you made this stuff up. It is just too real.

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Chloe Jeffreys May 17, 2014 at 5:00 pm

B it’s really bad. It’s bad for the health and well-being of nurses who have to work under the constant stress of abuse or fear of future abuse, and it is truly bad for patients when their nurses are afraid of their physicians. Patients need to know the truth.


D. A. Wolf May 16, 2014 at 2:52 pm

Good God. I can’t imagine doing what you do for a living. That, in itself, is pretty scary to me!

But brava! And I can’t believe you have to put up with so much, um… crap.
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Chloe Jeffreys May 26, 2014 at 11:41 am

It really makes a hard job so much harder. And more dangerous for patients. Studies show that nurses are three times more likely than any other female professional to experience bullying in the workplace. Even physical violence (from physicians!!) isn’t unheard of. It’s truly a scandal.
Chloe Jeffreys recently posted..Burning for YouMy Profile


Jane Gassner (@MidLifeBloggers) May 15, 2014 at 11:02 am

The Adventures of Chloe! I love it.
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Chloe Jeffreys May 26, 2014 at 11:42 am

I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to be able to start writing about my work, Jane. Thank your for coming by and reading and commenting and encouraging me. I appreciate it so much.
Chloe Jeffreys recently posted..Burning for YouMy Profile


Chronic Chronicles May 15, 2014 at 9:04 am

How unprofessional and rude of her. It’s a shame the mother wasn’t busy giving birth so she could complain about her. I can’t imagine being in that position while your doctor – who you are supposed to trust, is picking a fight with the nurse.

Well done for not punching her, and I hope you get to talk some sense into her.
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Chloe Jeffreys May 15, 2014 at 9:46 am

It was unfortunate for the mom. Afterwards the family mentioned it to me. The thing is that the doctor didn’t seem to realize that she’s the one who ended up looking pretty lousy here, even if I had been wrong. While I think she thought she was coming off as powerful and authoritative, she really came off as childish and petty.
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Brenda May 14, 2014 at 10:06 pm

You need to market that sweet scented whoop ass that you got there. 🙂


Chloe Jeffreys May 15, 2014 at 9:47 am

I’d be the first one in line to purchase it for those times I’m such a frightened little wimp.
Chloe Jeffreys recently posted..Never Let Her Smell Your FearMy Profile


Annie May 14, 2014 at 8:48 pm

How in the world ANYONE, no matter what initials are behind their name, can look YOU in the eye and condescend…well, it’s beyond me!


Chloe Jeffreys May 15, 2014 at 9:47 am

Ha! She apparently hasn’t seen my dark side. Yet.
Chloe Jeffreys recently posted..Never Let Her Smell Your FearMy Profile


Magnolia May 14, 2014 at 7:34 pm

Many years ago…..oh, like friggin 30……I was in nursing school. I wanted to be a labor and delivery nurse. I made it all the way to clinicals and decided….um, no. I’ll be an accountant instead.

Just a little tid bit. 🙂

The same physician showed up at the delivery of all my babies. She was wonderful and I loved her. She loved her nurses and treated them like the gods that they are…….but it was the nurses who helped me deliver my babies. The OB was fortunate enough to collect the fee and get the glory.

But, I remember “Betty.” She was pushing 70 and had delivered more than a few little chicks in her life. With the exception of maybe surgeons…..I’m off the opinion that nurses run the damn medical system.

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Chloe Jeffreys May 14, 2014 at 7:39 pm

I have had the pleasure of working with some amazing doctors. Not everyone is like this lady, and thank God for that! I personally think Kaiser Permanente’s system is the best when it comes to L&D. They have a doctor scheduled there so s/he isn’t having to run an office and run over to deliver babies, too. Being and OB is a hard life. I don’t envy them it. But it is no excuse for behaving like an ass in front of patients.


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